You’ve seen it. That pitiful jar of pickles on the grocery shelf with a $6 price tag, looking smug like it’s the artisanal gold of cucumbers. SIX DOLLARS for water, vinegar, and cucumbers that have been hanging out together for a few weeks? I mean, I love pickles, but not “skip-a-week-of-gas” love them. Let me let you in on a secret: making pickles at home is not only ridiculously cheap but also borderline magical.
The Great Grocery Store Pickle Scam
Let’s start with a rant, shall we? Why are pickles so expensive? Is there a pickle farm somewhere where cucumbers are being hand-massaged by monks and serenaded with harp music before pickling? No. You’re paying for the jar, the label, and the delusion of convenience. A jar of pickles costs pennies to make at home—literally pennies.
DIY Pickles: Because You’re Smarter Than This
Making pickles is so easy that even if you’ve killed every houseplant you’ve ever owned, you can still nail it. Here’s what you need:
- Cucumbers (you can grow them for basically free or buy them on sale—farmers markets are your best friend). Too late in season? Pick them up at a store.
- Vinegar (cheap and lasts forever- just make sure it’s 5% acidity).
- Water and salt (you probably already have these, so high five, you).
- Spices (get fancy or don’t—dill, garlic, mustard seeds, peppercorns, or whatever strikes your briny fancy).
Chop cucumbers, make a brine-boil some water with vinegar, and salt. Toss in spices into jars, shove cucumbers into jars, pour brine over cucumbers and spices, and boom—pickles. Stick them in the fridge for a week and try not to eat them all before they’re ready. Want to can them? simple. Pickles can be easily and safely canned in a water bath stove-top canner. Simply process for 15-20 minutes at a roaring boil. Bam. Done. Shelf stable for up to 12 months. Just make sure to wipe your rims and leave about 1/2 inch of headspace in each jar. Easy-peezy lemon squeezy. The best part? it takes only minutes to make.
Want My Recipe?
I use English cucumbers for my pickle slices. You can use any cucumber your little pickle-loving heart desires.
Brine – ratio: 2/3c vinegar to 1/3 cup water. You can play with more or less based on your desired flavor. Hell, go wild, omit the water. You’re the boss here. The important thing here is you need a pH of below 4.6 to make it shelf stable so you don’t want to omit the vinegar. I add about 1/2 tsp salt per cup of brine. (salt isn’t necessary but its sooo good). Make as much of the brine as you think you’ll need.
I put my spices directly into the jars to ensure even spreading of flavor. My kids LOVE dill, so I use 1 Tbl chopped fresh dill, 1/2 tsp whole mustard seeds, 1/2 tsp whole black peppercorn and 1 whole garlic clove to each jar. You can use as much of or as little of each spice as you like. There are no rules here. Add 1/4 tsp pickling lime or a grape leaf to each jar if you like ’em more on the crisp side. If they turn out too soggy for you? add more lime. Too crunchy? less. You get the picture; it’s not rocket science.
Pack the jars with spices, cucumbers and cover with brine. Yes, its that easy.
Pickle Math
One pound of cucumbers can yield about a quart of pickles. That’s like $2 max for a jar versus $6 at the store. And let’s be real, you’re not just making pickles. You’re making a statement. A salty, delicious, cost-effective statement.
Bonus: Get Creative!
Want spicy pickles? Throw in some chili flakes. Sweet pickles? Add sugar. Feeling bold? Pickle some weird stuff—carrots, radishes, onions. Your brine, your rules.
Why DIY Wins
- Tastes Better: Store-bought pickles are fine, but nothing beats the flavor of your pickles.
- Control Freak Heaven: Customize everything, from the spice level to the crunch factor.
- Save Money: Remember, pennies.
- Impress Everyone: Who’s fancy now with their homemade pickle stash? That’s right- you are!
So, skip the overpriced jars at the store and dive into the pickle-making world. It’s easy, it’s cheap, and it’s kind of addictive. Plus, you’ll have a smug sense of superiority every time you walk past the $6 pickles in the store.
Stay salty, my friends.
What’s your favorite thing to pickle? Drop it in the comments—unless it’s pickled eggs, in which case, we might need to talk.
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