{"id":1,"date":"2024-10-19T17:29:59","date_gmt":"2024-10-19T17:29:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/?p=1"},"modified":"2024-10-21T14:10:10","modified_gmt":"2024-10-21T14:10:10","slug":"raising-chickens-children-guide","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/?p=1","title":{"rendered":"Raising Chickens, Children, and Hell: The Guide You Didn\u2019t Know You Needed."},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Welcome to The Snarky Sprout<\/strong>, where chaos reigns supreme, and I\u2019m just over here trying to keep my sanity intact with a coffee in one hand and a chicken feed bucket in the other. So, you want to know how to juggle raising chickens, kids, and the occasional rebellion? Buckle up, buttercup, because this guide is about to take you on a ride\u2014one that involves a lot of poop (both figurative and literal).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Step 1: Lower Your Expectations (Like, Way Down. Way, Way, Way Down.)<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

I know, you\u2019ve seen those Instagram accounts with picture-perfect farmhouses, kids playing joyfully with the chickens, and everything looking like it came straight out of a homesteader\u2019s dream. Let me be the first to break it to you: it’s all lies<\/strong>. My chickens have unionized, my kids have learned to outsmart me, and I\u2019m lucky if I get five minutes of peace before someone\u2019s covered in mud\u2014or worse (usually worse).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Step 2: Understand That Chickens Are Plotting Against You<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

Everyone told me chickens are easy to raise. “They basically take care of themselves!” they said. What they didn\u2019t say is that chickens will find ways to escape their coop, trash your yard, and give you a heart attack at least three times a week. Don\u2019t let their fluffy feathers fool you\u2014chickens are chaos incarnate<\/em>. Between trying to gather eggs while my kids throw a tantrum in the background, and chasing runaway hens, I\u2019m basically one bad day away from appearing on an episode of Cops<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Step 3: Children = Tiny Dictators<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

Forget whatever parenting book you\u2019ve been reading. It\u2019s useless here. Raising kids while homesteading is a delicate balance between letting them \u2018help\u2019 (and by help, I mean destroy) and convincing them that dirt is the new protein source. They\u2019ll ask you questions like, \u201cMom, why does the chicken poop smell so bad?\u201d while simultaneously eating dirt and screaming that they need a snack. Spoiler alert<\/strong>: you won\u2019t have all the answers, and sometimes, it\u2019s best just to nod and pretend you do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Step 4: Embrace the Hellraising<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

Look, you can either try to fight the chaos or just lean into it. I\u2019ve chosen the latter. There\u2019s a certain freedom that comes with accepting the fact that your life is one big circus. Yes, the chickens will continue to terrorize your garden, the kids will destroy everything in their path, and you\u2019ll probably wonder, \u201cHow did I get here?\u201d at least once a day. But hey, there\u2019s beauty in the madness<\/strong>. And wine. There\u2019s definitely wine. Lots of wine. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Step 5: Laugh, or You\u2019ll Cry<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

Homesteading is hard<\/em>. Parenting is hard<\/em>. Combining the two? It\u2019s a recipe for disaster (and occasional magic). But I\u2019ve learned that if you can\u2019t laugh at yourself while chasing a chicken in your pajamas or arguing with a three-year-old about why they can\u2019t ride the goat, then you\u2019re doing it wrong. So here\u2019s my advice: laugh often, swear when needed, and remember that even on the worst days, you\u2019re living a life that\u2019s wild, unpredictable, and truly one-of-a-kind.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

Conclusion<\/strong>: If you\u2019ve read this far, congratulations. You\u2019re officially ready to raise chickens, children, and hell\u2014all at the same time. And if you\u2019re not? Well, that\u2019s what I\u2019m here for. Stick around, and I\u2019ll share more tips, fails, and moments that make you wonder if homesteading is really just an elaborate form of self-torture.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Welcome to The Snarky Sprout, where chaos reigns supreme, and I\u2019m just over here trying to keep my sanity intact with a coffee in one hand and a chicken feed bucket in the other. So, you want to know how to juggle raising chickens, kids, and the occasional rebellion? Buckle up, buttercup, because this guide […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\nRaising Chickens, Children, and Hell: The Guide You Didn\u2019t Know You Needed. - The Snarky Sprout<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Discover the chaotic, hilarious reality of raising chickens and children on the homestead. From dealing with dirt, broken equipment, and everyday madness, this guide will show you why it\u2019s all worth it\u2014even if you're raising a little hell along the way.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"http:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/?p=1\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Raising Chickens, Children, and Hell: The Guide You Didn\u2019t Know You Needed. - The Snarky Sprout\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Discover the chaotic, hilarious reality of raising chickens and children on the homestead. From dealing with dirt, broken equipment, and everyday madness, this guide will show you why it\u2019s all worth it\u2014even if you're raising a little hell along the way.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"http:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/?p=1\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"The Snarky Sprout\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/profile.php?id=61566919966901\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2024-10-19T17:29:59+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2024-10-21T14:10:10+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"snarkysprout\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@snarkysprout\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@snarkysprout\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"snarkysprout\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"http:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/?p=1#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"http:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/?p=1\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"snarkysprout\",\"@id\":\"http:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/#\/schema\/person\/6518641213d380db02005740455a5d5a\"},\"headline\":\"Raising Chickens, Children, and Hell: The Guide You Didn\u2019t Know You Needed.\",\"datePublished\":\"2024-10-19T17:29:59+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2024-10-21T14:10:10+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"http:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/?p=1\"},\"wordCount\":607,\"commentCount\":4,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"http:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/#organization\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"http:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/?p=1#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"http:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/?p=1\",\"url\":\"http:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/?p=1\",\"name\":\"Raising Chickens, Children, and Hell: The Guide You Didn\u2019t Know You Needed. - The Snarky Sprout\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"http:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2024-10-19T17:29:59+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2024-10-21T14:10:10+00:00\",\"description\":\"Discover the chaotic, hilarious reality of raising chickens and children on the homestead. From dealing with dirt, broken equipment, and everyday madness, this guide will show you why it\u2019s all worth it\u2014even if you're raising a little hell along the way.\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"http:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/?p=1#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"http:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/?p=1\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"http:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/?p=1#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"http:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Home > Blog > Raising Chickens, Children, and Hell: The Guide You Didn\u2019t Know You Needed\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"http:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/#website\",\"url\":\"http:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/\",\"name\":\"The Snarky Sprout\",\"description\":\"raising chickens, children and a whole lotta hell. \",\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"http:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/#organization\"},\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"http:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Organization\",\"@id\":\"http:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/#organization\",\"name\":\"The Snarky Sprout\",\"url\":\"http:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/\",\"logo\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"http:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/IMG_4747.jpeg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/IMG_4747.jpeg\",\"width\":2224,\"height\":1668,\"caption\":\"The Snarky Sprout\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"http:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/\"},\"sameAs\":[\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/profile.php?id=61566919966901\",\"https:\/\/x.com\/snarkysprout\"]},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"http:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/#\/schema\/person\/6518641213d380db02005740455a5d5a\",\"name\":\"snarkysprout\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"http:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/b7d28155ed80c2c029e147af631641b8058edbdecf165ee74ff0ce2280efc182?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/b7d28155ed80c2c029e147af631641b8058edbdecf165ee74ff0ce2280efc182?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"snarkysprout\"},\"sameAs\":[\"https:\/\/snarkysprout.com\"],\"url\":\"https:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/?author=1\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Raising Chickens, Children, and Hell: The Guide You Didn\u2019t Know You Needed. - The Snarky Sprout","description":"Discover the chaotic, hilarious reality of raising chickens and children on the homestead. From dealing with dirt, broken equipment, and everyday madness, this guide will show you why it\u2019s all worth it\u2014even if you're raising a little hell along the way.","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"http:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/?p=1","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Raising Chickens, Children, and Hell: The Guide You Didn\u2019t Know You Needed. - The Snarky Sprout","og_description":"Discover the chaotic, hilarious reality of raising chickens and children on the homestead. From dealing with dirt, broken equipment, and everyday madness, this guide will show you why it\u2019s all worth it\u2014even if you're raising a little hell along the way.","og_url":"http:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/?p=1","og_site_name":"The Snarky Sprout","article_publisher":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/profile.php?id=61566919966901","article_published_time":"2024-10-19T17:29:59+00:00","article_modified_time":"2024-10-21T14:10:10+00:00","author":"snarkysprout","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@snarkysprout","twitter_site":"@snarkysprout","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"snarkysprout","Est. reading time":"3 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"http:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/?p=1#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"http:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/?p=1"},"author":{"name":"snarkysprout","@id":"http:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/#\/schema\/person\/6518641213d380db02005740455a5d5a"},"headline":"Raising Chickens, Children, and Hell: The Guide You Didn\u2019t Know You Needed.","datePublished":"2024-10-19T17:29:59+00:00","dateModified":"2024-10-21T14:10:10+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"http:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/?p=1"},"wordCount":607,"commentCount":4,"publisher":{"@id":"http:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/#organization"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"CommentAction","name":"Comment","target":["http:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/?p=1#respond"]}]},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"http:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/?p=1","url":"http:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/?p=1","name":"Raising Chickens, Children, and Hell: The Guide You Didn\u2019t Know You Needed. - The Snarky Sprout","isPartOf":{"@id":"http:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/#website"},"datePublished":"2024-10-19T17:29:59+00:00","dateModified":"2024-10-21T14:10:10+00:00","description":"Discover the chaotic, hilarious reality of raising chickens and children on the homestead. From dealing with dirt, broken equipment, and everyday madness, this guide will show you why it\u2019s all worth it\u2014even if you're raising a little hell along the way.","breadcrumb":{"@id":"http:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/?p=1#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["http:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/?p=1"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"http:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/?p=1#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"http:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Home > Blog > Raising Chickens, Children, and Hell: The Guide You Didn\u2019t Know You Needed"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"http:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/#website","url":"http:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/","name":"The Snarky Sprout","description":"raising chickens, children and a whole lotta hell. ","publisher":{"@id":"http:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/#organization"},"potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"http:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Organization","@id":"http:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/#organization","name":"The Snarky Sprout","url":"http:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"http:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/IMG_4747.jpeg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/IMG_4747.jpeg","width":2224,"height":1668,"caption":"The Snarky Sprout"},"image":{"@id":"http:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/"},"sameAs":["https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/profile.php?id=61566919966901","https:\/\/x.com\/snarkysprout"]},{"@type":"Person","@id":"http:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/#\/schema\/person\/6518641213d380db02005740455a5d5a","name":"snarkysprout","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"http:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/b7d28155ed80c2c029e147af631641b8058edbdecf165ee74ff0ce2280efc182?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/b7d28155ed80c2c029e147af631641b8058edbdecf165ee74ff0ce2280efc182?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"snarkysprout"},"sameAs":["https:\/\/snarkysprout.com"],"url":"https:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/?author=1"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":69,"href":"https:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1\/revisions\/69"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/snarkysprout.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}